So, I had a little musing tonight. Maybe not an epiphany. I had a conversation over Facebook Chat with my sister that went like this:
Me: Oh, you didn't hear? The Landlady said my apartment is too messy so if I clean it up and she inspects and deems it ok, she'll give me another year's lease
Sister: Well that is incentive.
Me: It is
Sister: Maybe hire someone to come 1x a month
Me: She also said my apartment smelled, but I had 4 people assure me that it did not.
Sister: How did she know it was messy?
Me: No...I need to tidy up more first.
Sister: Wow Yeah you need to have someone clean for you that is not good
Me: It's not smelly
Sister: I would still get someone
Me: I can't afford anything like that right now. And it doesn't matter because I need to pick things up off the floor first
Sister: Yes , so she was kicking you out because of the mess? How did she know?
Me: She had to go up once when the bathroom flooded
Sister: Were you home?
Me: She's giving me until August to clean it up but she has to inspect it. I was home when it flooded, but wasn't home when the insurance guys came up to put the dehumidifers and industrial fans out.
Sister: Wow! Well get it done! Beats moving. Ok
Me: I know. But I also don't want to live with a controlling landlady either
Sister: That's not controlling , she doesn't want someone who is super messy, I can totally see that. I wouldn't either. I am sure that is all she cares about
Me: She's controlling if she thinks she can inspect the apartment at any time. I'll let her do it once a year but that's it. Otherwise, it's a breach of my lease
Sister: Understandable she can't go in at anytime. She has to notify you first. But I am sure she wants a tenant who is not super messy. This is a good thing for you
Me: Yeah. I love being stressed out.
Sister: Well once you get it clean then just keep it clean that is all, just a lifestyle change like adding in running. Once you do it more it won't be so stressful
Me: I don't have time to be cleaning for 2 hours every night
Sister: You don't have to do that once it is clean. Just clean once a week, and tidy after yourself
Me: Cleaning takes that much time.
Sister: Well from where you are at now it does. Once it is clean it won't take that long just a half day 1 x a week
Me: I'm tired of being lectured. Thank you for your advice and I'll take it into consideration.
I don't have half a day. Ever.
Sister: I'm not lecturing you. I am telling you that cleaning does not take as long as you think. Well if you want to stay there you will have to make the time to clean, it is your choice , but she is not abnormal for wanting a renter who is not super messy
I kind of hate being patronized. I HATE it. And I've been getting this from my family for a while now...ok, so pretty much my entire life. I hate it when people try to tell me what to do - not in a helpful way, but in a controlling way. My defenses get right up. I'm also incredibly stubborn and the thought came to me that I might be rebelling against their insistence that I be neat and tidy. Like them. Like everyone else. So have I developed this mindset that I'm messy, in part, to thwart them? To be different? To be my own person and no one can tell me what to do?
That's sort of on my mind right now. That and looking at the pictures people are posting of their 'Kon Mari'd' homes and seeing how empty they look - like no one lives there. Like it's a show room. No personal items, no decor. I know that my place will never look like that because I don't like that empty, sparse aesthetic. Do I need to have piles of clothes around my room? Probably not. My room can looked decorated and lived-in without the clothes, I'm sure.
I worked some more on the kitchen. It's very close to being 'done', aside from washing the floors. I have some boxes to go to recycling and some boxes to go in the attic (In case I have to move...I don't want to have to collect them again) and a couple more things to move. I have a box of VHS tapes to be donated and some towels to wash. But I think that's it. Will it be good enough for the Landlady? I don't know, but I don't know how to make it tidier without removing everything from the room which...what's the point in that?
Since I haven't had much time to do the whole 'All your clothes in a pile' thing like the book suggests, I've been sort of going drawer by drawer. I started on my large bureau which is overflowing with clothes and the drawers can't close because of it. One drawer down and the folding method is magical. MAGICAL, I tell you! That drawer was overflowing with clothes no matter what I did and I folded them (and put a couple of things in the donation box) and there's room to spare! I kind of didn't want to stop but I had to because I had work this morning.
But I'm still thinking about this...thought. Is it going to hurt to pare things down? Even if I pare things down and still have a lot of stuff, is that going to be some sort of detriment? There's no way I can pare myself down to the point that I have the 'bare minimum'...I'm a performer and need concert clothes. I like mixing/matching my outfits. I like art and tchotchkies. I like my books. I like my yarn. I also don't want to get rid of things to get rid of them and then go looking for them a month or two from now. For me, it's not about getting rid of the most stuff. What if I just can't find a way to make things tidy?
I also don't want my family to be all 'Now, that wasn't so hard' and 'Now you just have to keep it like this all the time'. To me, that's patronizing and instantly rankles. I've tried talking to them about it, but I'm always in the wrong when it comes to trying to tell them that my feelings might be hurt by their words. I love them dearly, but of anyone, they can hurt me the most by just a few simple words. How can I talk to them about this and tell them that I appreciate their support but I don't want their 'Holier than thou' and 'I told you so' attitude?
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